just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She said her name was "party"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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