i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
