I got chris browned last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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