Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
