so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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