Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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