If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
