Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
