The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
