I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
