Your face is a jimmy john
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
