We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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