You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
please come you make the beer taste better
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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