saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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