apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
