my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
