i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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