Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
