Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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