well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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