Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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