He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
