I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
