you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
