Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
