Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
