I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
bring money and cleavage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
