girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
