I wanna passion pit in your ass
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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