you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize