Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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