I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
