Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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