Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
