no, he came in my armpit
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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