Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a search helicopter?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
