Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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