You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
