Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
