Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
