I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
