Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
