If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
