I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its about making memories worth repressing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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