im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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