I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize