I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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