just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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