she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
