We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
