What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
