I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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