She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
someone owes me an orgasm
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
