he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ttyl tear gas
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
