yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
