3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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