Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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