Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Text me some of your sweat
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
