Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
