i just wanna soil my oats bro
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
