There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
