i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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