Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
