I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
