One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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