i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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