There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
