Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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