I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize