I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Less talking, more tequila
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
