Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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