it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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