mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize