Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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