Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
