When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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