i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
