ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize