some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
