It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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