She's JV to your varsity
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
