She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
