$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
