I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
