If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
