we have pet lesbian snakes
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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