This is not my ceiling
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
