YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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