I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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