I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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