the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
