I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
