there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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