By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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