K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize