found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
