Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How external is "for external use only"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
