So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The struggles of a small town man whore
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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