she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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