I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
