I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize