Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
