I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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