Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i think my cat just said my name.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
